Deep Thoughts on a Sunday Morning

I very aware that my writings are not really anything new, I can pretty safely say that thousands of transgenders before me have done the same thing. They found their voice and spoke their beliefs. This just happens to be from my perspective and history. I am not trying to say that my way is any better than someone else's way, it is just that, my way of seeing things.
I do hold hope that those that do read these articles come away with even just a little bit of a different view on this issue. If I should just happen to open their eyes a bit then it is well worth the effort.
Why is it that people have such strong reactions about transgenders? Are those feelings based in religion, psychology or just simply the fear of the unknown? How is it that someone can judge another when they don't know that person? Or in many cases such as families, relationships, or workplaces, think that they know that person.
As a transgender am I such a threat to you as a person? If you knew me before I started transition was I a threat to you then? Are their reasons because they think it is wrong to change God's design? Or is it because of their own subconscious fears about sexuality and gender?
All of these questions have been debated and argued over since the first person said that they needed to change their gender and there are no shortages on opinions for and against being transgendered. Even today as they prepare to redefine the DVM definition on Gender Identity Disorder there is debate, anger, and even dismay over the selections that were made to panel the committee on this topic. There has been a massive outcry over the choices and there has been finger pointing and accusations of people having agendas in defense or against transgenders. These are the experts that are supposedly able to determine the best course for the medical world to be able to help individuals deal with, adjust to and to be treated for their being transgendered.
Regardless if it is politics, religion or psychology the fact remains that transgenders exist and have been around since the earliest stages of our development as a species. There are tons of writings on this subject in justification and denial, but to the transgendered person it is the most base question of all, why do you not understand? I am who I am and why can't you just accept that?
I know that as an individual I am not a threat to anyone. Definitely not a physical threat anyway, but then I do have the same survival instincts that we all have. What I am about to say next is what every transgender will tell you, I can almost guarantee that this statement is 100% accurate because I know that it is for me.
"I know that I am emotionally a much happier person now and that I feel very much more in tune with my physical and mental being than I did before I started transitioning." Emotionally there were times that I wavered because of many of those same questions that I asked above, but instinctively I knew that this was the right course for me to take. I have been accused of just saying that to justify my own transition. It really surprised me that someone who doesn't even know me as a person would make such a statement. Just as I don't know them or their history as a person how can they even remotely know me or my history as a person? And make such a blanket statement.
Much of that is why we go through such intensive mental and gender health counseling prior to starting any transition. I honestly feel very sorry for those that are denied the needed help or avoid such efforts and then go about transitioning without professional help. I can speak about this because I too started out on this very course in my own beginning, but I was fortunate enough to have someone, although not happy with my need to transition, that insisted that I do so with proper guidance and help. My choice at that time was to listen to those on the internet and to obtain my medications (Hormone Replacement Therapy, or HRT) for transition from whatever sources I could find. I know that there are those that are successful in their own transition this way, but at what costs and risks? I also know that there are those out there who aren't as successful and lose their battles with their need to transition. The suicide rate for transgenders is one of the highest in society. Mainly because of the associated mental health and the societal issues that are involved. I think often it is a combination of those two factors along with just giving up because of society's lack of acceptance. The desperate struggle to just survive as a transgender leads many individuals to live and do things that are not acceptable or even in some cases legal and this in itself becomes just as destructive as anything else can be.
On a positive note though there is change and things are better than they were even 5 years ago. There more services available than in the past and the laws that protect individual rights are slowly changing, but the biggest change of all is that society is also changing. It is becoming more understanding and accepting of people that are different. A lot of that has to do with the invent of the internet, improvement of communications via the media resources and with the work of various organizations that endeavor to see that people are treated fairly. As our population grows older they have less time to "worry" about what others are doing, their focus is usually more on their own issues. While the younger generations have grown accustomed to seeing or even having experimented with crossing genders and mixing gender sexuality within their own personalities, they are much more used to and accepting of the differences.
It is generally those that have some agenda of whatever their philosophy is based upon, usually religious or political, but even scarier, it being based on their knowing what is best for everyone else. I have never been able to figure out, why would someone's politics have any bearing on what someone's gender or sexual orientation was. Unless it was just to suppress those individuals as a gender or race or whatever, which we have seen in our history as a nation and even as a species.
With the religious aspect of denial, I believe that it is not their place to judge anyone else, especially since their own "bibles" and "teachings" tells them that it is wrong to judge others and that it is their lord's job to sit in judgment. It is ironic that they fall within the same category of those with their own personal agendas and knowing what is best for society. It is between the power that the individual believes in and the person themselves if it is the right thing for them to be doing.
These are very much some of the reasons for the philosophy that I have developed over the last few years, even before I started down this path of self-discovery. The realization of those opinions, along with self-awareness and the actions of others within society have had a huge effect on my own personality. I very strongly believe that everyone has an opinion about transgenders just as they have opinions about politics and religion. I also believe that they are entitled to their opinion just as I am to mine. I can accept that those opinions may or may not be the same and on a whole I am comfortable with that, it isn't going to affect my life very much in the long run.
The big difference is when it comes to suppressing that opinion, I have no right to suppress their opinion and I expect that they respect my right to my opinion and need to express it. In this situation as a transgender the expression comes in the form of transitioning from one gender to another. The problem then lies in that their attempt to suppress my transition directly affects my very life and survival, it is then that they have crossed that line of survival.
So, of course I will then look at them in a more cautioned, suspicious way and because of this, it becomes more of a challenge to be accepting, trusting and respectful of them as individuals. Unless it is blatant outright disrespectful, threatening or harmful treatment of me, I can even work alongside an individual without any problems. It is a matter of respecting that they have an opinion about something different from your own. I have found that it is usually the other person that has a harder time in dealing with that philosophy than I do.
I'm not sure, but sometimes I think that difficulty comes from suddenly feeling guilty because they had this "dislike" for someone that they didn't even know to begin with or for something that they didn't understand and that makes them even more nervous or un-accepting. And that I think fear of the unknown or misunderstood is the basis of almost all reactions that we as humans base our prejudices on. I am also enough of a to realist to know that there are times and situations where those fears need to be listened too and acted on. That is a direct holdover from our earliest days as a species and our survival instincts.
So, what is my own goal? Just be myself, become the woman that I was supposed to be to begin with, hopefully leave the place a little neater than I found it, have some laughs and good times with those that I love and care about along the way. Gee, doesn't that sound like just about everyone else on this planet. Just maybe this will catch on, do you think it will? See more questions, they never end.
It's just a matter of not getting so caught up in things that you lose sight of what is important in life. Self, Family, Love, Home and Friends. (All Rights Reserved)