Sounds like a pretty simple question, but once you start going deeper you begin to get a picture of a very much larger issue that we must deal with in our lives than just the fact that we are either male or female. I was reading a letter written by a transgendered woman posted on the internet one day and as usual it made me think about my own experiences so far. I gathered some of her comments to share because they are so very true for so many who are transgendered or are in transition.
She wrote, "Yes, at times I have overwhelming thoughts that this place that I am at may not be the safest place. My thoughts also turn to the fact that I am not done traveling and seeing the world. There was a time in my life when I would at the drop of a hat catch the next plane flying. I have had some pretty cool adventures. Sometimes the thought of that really scares me now. Where in this world are people like us safe? Is there any place more inherently dangerous? What about hanging out at motorcycle events with a bunch of 1%'ers? Can be safe can be dangerous. There are place even there in Tacoma or Seattle that make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. Sometimes we stress and worry over a lot of things that turn out to be nothing."
I too have faced many of those very same fears as much as I try to live my everyday life as normally as possible. I too find myself at odds over many of the same issues that she points out. It is her last sentence that has the greatest impact, but what if that nothing turns out to be someone who doesn't like us just because we are different. A couple things come to mind, like the California incident of the 15 year old boy shooting his 14 year old classmate in school because he was different, I'm sure that he didn't think anything like that was going to happen to him at school that day. Or the Matthew Sheppard incident in Colorado a few years ago that sparked a massive out pouring from people.
Of course our society has changed in both positive and negative ways. Even as we go about our daily lives regardless of gender, race or anything else we need to be more aware of what goes on around us.
The problem being for a transgendered person is that what most people take for granted, we usually have to use additional care in that we don't end up in a situation that can end badly and that in itself is taxing and unfair. For example, I loved riding motorcycles, for me it was what I considered a form of brain therapy. I was a part of clubs and going on trips with them regularly for years, but one of my true passions was to just climb on the bike and go on a road trip alone. Now, even though I don't have a bike right now it just wouldn't be the same because of not only my own fears for my safety, especially riding alone, but even stopping off at some little out of the way café or tourist spot while taking a car trip or a day drive can possibly lead to problems that one wouldn't ever consider or expect to have happen.
Simple everyday things like going out for a meal and yes even shopping can be a challenge in double thinking of where to go that will allow one to just relax and be themselves and to enjoy the moment. What very often winds up happening is that a transgendered person finds themselves going to a limited number of places that they know will accept them for the person that they are.
This is very often the case in the early stages of transition, but that circle expands with time, but the basic concern rarely goes completely away.
Fortunately, it's not all bad because sometimes just being different can lead to encounters that turn out to be really great experiences, it just depends on the folks that you do meet and how you approach the situation. Sure a part of that is also how accepting they are.
The point is, it is one thing to have concerns over race, ethnicity and gender, but even though as a person you are a part of those. it's not fair to have to worry about what may happen just because you are different. Mind you I have been very fortunate so far and not had any such incidents, but the concerns and considerations are still there just he same.
Many businesses are becoming more accepting, but it is only on the surface for some and that is primarily because they just want your money, but to the credit of the ones that have a strong social sense of fairness and a very good understanding of business are recognizing that there is a very strong market to be tapped into and they are reaping huge rewards by accepting the entire LGBT community into their businesses.
When it comes to traveling, especially across borders or even to other states can be tasking enough as a non-transgendered person. Add in being transgendered and then it becomes even a bigger issue because of the legalities that can be involved ,various laws, if any from locale to locale in the protections for Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender (LGBT) people. Identification is usually being the biggest issue along with safety. If a person is presenting as one gender, but their identification still shows as them as the opposite gender there can be problems depending on the locale, the laws, level of acceptance and understanding with the individuals involved. Again this seems to be more so the case in the early stages of transition, it is not only confusing for others, but frustrating and also very threatening because of the fear that it generates within the transitioning person.
Just dealing with non-acceptance issues that are usually based in misunderstanding and lack of knowing what a transgendered person really is and how to treat them as a person, or even outright discrimination can be so draining and in itself can take the enjoyment out any activity if not downright deadly, just look online and see how many news reports from around the world that come up on violence against transgenders so there is a long ways to go on this issue.
Fortunately just recently (Feb 2008) the International Assoication of Chiefs of Police (IACP) issued their updated Model Policy on Hate Crime, which now includes gender identity. The Model Policy helps police identify, investigate and respond to hate crimes – including those based on sexual orientation and gender identity. The IACP also issued a “Concepts and Issues Paper” on hate crimes. The Issues Paper contains background material and useful tools like crime scene procedures, appropriate response activities and prevention strategies that should really benefit our community. The Paper also contains a list of resource organizations that police can turn to for more information. This new policy and related Issues Paper are available not only to the 20,000+ members of the IACP, but to non-profit organizations for use in trainings on hate crimes issues.
So there is even progress on this front in our society, but as a transgender this is valuable information to have because in case of need, you can, if able relay this to an officer who may be struggling with how to treat you as a person.
Another one of her comments was, "My search for medical care would never lead me to Idaho. I do not believe that there is anything there in that state for me."
Why would she make such a comment given the fact that we live in a land of freedom and choice? That we can supposedly live wherever we choose. I think that it is probably based on an idea or maybe in the knowledge from experience that Idaho laws are not very clear on how to treat someone who is a transgender, couple that with the conservative nature of the state, she probably wouldn't feel safe there.
As a transgendered person I too would find myself not wanting to live in an environment that I would consider unfriendly towards me. Even medical treatment itself can be an exercise of frustration normally and given an emergency it can be downright deadly if the attitudes are those based in fears or a lack of understanding or if there is a lack in legal protections.
There are other issues besides the social aspects of life. We as human beings spend the largest majority of our lives in the work place. And this is the one area that has the 2nd largest impact on us, the first being our families.
In an article written by Keith Ecker entitled, "Out in the Office", it speaks about Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) workplace issues that employers grapple with. My focus here though is more about the transgendered part of the issue since I happen to be dealing with the work place issues as a transgender, even though my journey to this point took me through the path of being "gay".
One of the very first comments he made in the article is "Straight employees have a much easier, clearer path than gay employees.” and unfortunately in my own experiences though out my working life I've found it to be very true. I found that my past accomplishments seemed to dim in employers eyes after coming out as being gay and that is if I wasn't actually threatened or harassed in some way.
Very often transgendered people will "come out" at work or to friends as being gay or lesbian because it is as close as they can come to being their true selves before their transition and to still find an acceptance of sorts within society and the workplace. As in my case, being in denial that I was in fact a male to female transgender and yet having such strong attractions to men. Even though I knew at times that I felt like I was in the wrong body, I could only come out as being gay so I could at least hopefully have relationship with someone that I was attracted to and try to have a normal relationship with that person in which society would "somewhat" accept, along with being "somewhat" accepted at work "sometimes". Confusing isn't it? Try living with it going on in your head 24/7.
This causes a whole new set of unique problems not only for the transgendered person but for others too. It is very much living a double life not only to yourself, but with everyone that you deal with on a daily basis whether it is family, someone that you are in a relationship with and even your co-workers and up until the time that I "came out" to my employer about my transition I was very much living that double life. Outside of the work place I was able to be myself as a woman and even though there were limitations, at least I could be my true self most or at least some of the time. But, as soon as I got to work, I had to become just that "gay guy" and even then there were times that I wasn't taken as seriously as I had been in the past before "coming out" as being gay. Then there were the funny looks, lack of acceptance and hurtful comments that really don't change anything other than make me feel like I was less of a person. I'm sure many minorities and women can identify with what I'm saying here, because as a society we've all seen and heard of this before.
Of course the question begs being asked. Why haven't we learned yet? What is so wrong with people just being able to be themselves? Which really surprises me, because I have just been myself as much as possible and still many of my co-workers were surprised by the fact that I am transgendered?
But, then again, I'm not really that surprised, past history is a good teacher if you pay attention.
I still have to wonder why someone who would talk and joke or work with me before now almost avoids me unless they have to work or interact with me. It does challenge ones sense of acceptance and unfortunately it also causes you to distrust and lose some respect for that person that you had for them in the past. I think it is a part of my personality that can often look past that type of reaction or behavior and in a sense forgive, but not forget. This allows me to continue to interact with someone like that and not feel threatened by them. I've also found that after a short period of "adjustment" on their part that they come to realize that I'm not the threat that they had perceived and things kind of return to normal as before. But the damage has been done and you don't tend to forget the hurt or pain and the trust will never be quite the same.
I think the biggest lesson that I have learned to date is that if you are honest and be yourself, there is no reason to feel like you are out of line. If you don't carry that with you, you don't see it in other people. (All Rights Reserved)
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Why? Why? Why?
Right up front I will say this is a rant to begin with, but it is also an explanation too.
The other morning, it was one of those mornings where absolutely nothing is going right for me. I think we all have those mornings that we think or feel like no matter what we do we wind up looking like the Joker from the new Dark Knight movie. The hair, which I really wish I had more of anyway and even the makeup takes on a life of their own. On top of that to add insult to injury the whole mess was not being able to be rid of what little stubble I have on my chin. Yes it still exists much to my dismay.
My electrolysis tech at Auburn Skin (Carol is wonderful) has requested that I not clear the area that we will work on for at least two days before my next appointment because what I do have is so light and it makes it easier for her to get the hairs completely. Unfortunately, in my case it is stiff and stands out, especially to me. If I put on makeup it glows like its neon which only makes it stand out even more. This morning not only do I have to deal with that but it seems like nothing else is going right either. My hair is fighting back, my clothes don't seem to fit right, even my bra is laughing at me and then I had to run a couple errands looking like the cat lady from the Simpsons and I see this absolutely stunning woman who has a figure that I would kill to have. The first thought that forces its way to the front of my mind when I saw her was, why me? Why couldn't I have been born like that? Curse genetics, curse fate, curse my parents, curse everything and everyone at the moment.
I think every Transgender regardless of which transition (M2F or F2M) feels the same way sometimes if not most of the time. Some are extremely lucky in that their transition is much smoother because of genetics, already looking very feminine, having a higher pitch to their voice naturally, but also being lucky enough to have started their transition much earlier point in their life, before so many of the masculine traits that we hate so much have set in.
I am noticing in my own transition that I am at a kind of a mixed bag of traits point and that is so very frustrating. My mind is telling me that I'm not a guy, but yet when I look in the mirror I still see some of those traits and it makes me wonder if I'll ever look more feminine.
Once I get dressed, do my makeup and hair, then I do look a bit more like what I feel, but I know that I'll never look like or sound like Halle Berry. Ok, reality check even natal women want to look like her and even she has days when she doesn't look like Halle Berry, but you understand what I mean.
I was reading a story written by a Transgendered woman that said, "I am who I am" and "I am the same person that I've always been" she says that those are cop-out statements. While she does say that as a transgender we aren't the same person that we were before we started is true, I think it is only true to a certain point, but I do not think that they are cop out statements, our personalities are rooted pretty deeply and regardless of our physical changes, our personality will change some but not completely because of who we are at the core of our being.
I have to say that in my case I am very much the same person at least personality wise in some ways and I've changed a great deal in other ways. I know that my sense of humor hasn't changed a lot and I still do consider it my best weapon, but I've also noticed that my level for compassion and acceptance of others has risen a great deal. I'm sure a part of that is also due to my own journey that I am taking, but it is still a huge change over the way I used to be.
Ok, back on topic, Sure I wish my voice was more of a higher feminine pitch, but I also recognize that it is not going to happen a great deal, although I've been told by a few that have known me for awhile that they have noticed that it has changed some since I started my transition, but anyway I try to not worry about it too much. On mornings like this even that can fail me and I then feel miserable and somewhat at a lost. I do know that it will not deter me from following through with my transition because being a woman is a core part of who I am as a person.
So, anyway, I went into the clinic for my hormone shot and surprisingly I felt a lot better an hour later. Hmmm, I wonder if the levels were down a little?
Another strange thing was that I'd lost 4 pounds since last week, which is good but weird because after a month of being sick and not being able to eat because of two different dental procedures I hadn't lost an ounce of weight. Anyway, my mood soon lifted and I was a much happier girl. I also had my appointment with Carol and she is such a sweetheart. Not only did she make me feel better with her words of encouragement, but she even treated me to an eyelash tint and extensions. My eyes look so much better. I just love modern technology, she puts them on one at a time and they do look natural when she's done. It’s a bit pricey for the initial set but it's not too bad for the maintenance if you want to keep them on. To me it is well worth it, because I feel that my eyes are on of my better assets and I figure it's really no different than getting my nails done every couple weeks.
By the time I got to work I was feeling a 100 times better about myself and the world in general. It really felt really good when my BFF Carrie noticed my eyes right off and complimented me on getting them done. That felt really good; thanks (HUGS) and this whole thing got me to thinking.
Just about every girl that I've ever met has had the experience of growing up with that female companionship of best friends that shared in doing everyday things like hair, makeup, clothes, etc. You know, the advantage of sharing everything with each other as best girlfriends tend to do. I know for myself that it is one of the things that I had always envied about girls when I was growing up and even to this day I still feel like that I've have missed out on so much. Just about every Transgender that I've talked to about this has agreed with me, they too felt like they had missed out.
I know that I would have accepted my being Trans much earlier and more than likely would have begun my transition much earlier in life. Who knows how far along I'd be by now. It's very easy to look back and feel regret and get down on myself over it. As if we probably don't have enough regret over our lives already, this is just one more thing to add on to the pile and that makes it easy to get depressed and not take any action all. This is one area I refuse to wade around in for very long anymore and because I don't tend to show or hang around with regret for long I get accused of not caring as if they have something to do with each other anyway. To me they are very different critters, they just sometimes fool you into thinking that they are the same.
One of the things that I have found that helps is to continuingly seek out positive people and along with working to maintain my self esteem which is also critical to being accepted by others.
I believe that people see the positive in others and respond to it. This important because then you get to respond in kind to them. With that comes acceptance as you learn more about that person and from there friendships are built. Like those that I was talking about.
To find a friend in someone like that makes it possible for a girl to occasionally immerse themselves in frivolity and trivia and emerge not only looking and feeling a thousand times better, but with a renewed confidence and strength. I believe, as in my own case, that is why we value such friendships so highly. It's not just the acceptance factor but the inclusion to the world that we missed out on when we were at that age when things started changing (puberty) and only got to watch from the sidelines with so much envy.
So to my BFF's, I love ya bunches, because you help me everyday become way that I should have been born. And to those, both the men and women that I know at work and other places, that treat me with acceptance, respect and recognize me as a girl or as a woman, thank you, thank you, thank you, you can't imagine how much it means to me.
It means everything to be acknowledged as the person you are, as someone special, even if it just something as simple as saying hello Stephanie or Stevie.
And that acknowledgement is strength that allows me to be who I am even more.
(All Rights Reserved)
The other morning, it was one of those mornings where absolutely nothing is going right for me. I think we all have those mornings that we think or feel like no matter what we do we wind up looking like the Joker from the new Dark Knight movie. The hair, which I really wish I had more of anyway and even the makeup takes on a life of their own. On top of that to add insult to injury the whole mess was not being able to be rid of what little stubble I have on my chin. Yes it still exists much to my dismay.
My electrolysis tech at Auburn Skin (Carol is wonderful) has requested that I not clear the area that we will work on for at least two days before my next appointment because what I do have is so light and it makes it easier for her to get the hairs completely. Unfortunately, in my case it is stiff and stands out, especially to me. If I put on makeup it glows like its neon which only makes it stand out even more. This morning not only do I have to deal with that but it seems like nothing else is going right either. My hair is fighting back, my clothes don't seem to fit right, even my bra is laughing at me and then I had to run a couple errands looking like the cat lady from the Simpsons and I see this absolutely stunning woman who has a figure that I would kill to have. The first thought that forces its way to the front of my mind when I saw her was, why me? Why couldn't I have been born like that? Curse genetics, curse fate, curse my parents, curse everything and everyone at the moment.
I think every Transgender regardless of which transition (M2F or F2M) feels the same way sometimes if not most of the time. Some are extremely lucky in that their transition is much smoother because of genetics, already looking very feminine, having a higher pitch to their voice naturally, but also being lucky enough to have started their transition much earlier point in their life, before so many of the masculine traits that we hate so much have set in.
I am noticing in my own transition that I am at a kind of a mixed bag of traits point and that is so very frustrating. My mind is telling me that I'm not a guy, but yet when I look in the mirror I still see some of those traits and it makes me wonder if I'll ever look more feminine.
Once I get dressed, do my makeup and hair, then I do look a bit more like what I feel, but I know that I'll never look like or sound like Halle Berry. Ok, reality check even natal women want to look like her and even she has days when she doesn't look like Halle Berry, but you understand what I mean.
I was reading a story written by a Transgendered woman that said, "I am who I am" and "I am the same person that I've always been" she says that those are cop-out statements. While she does say that as a transgender we aren't the same person that we were before we started is true, I think it is only true to a certain point, but I do not think that they are cop out statements, our personalities are rooted pretty deeply and regardless of our physical changes, our personality will change some but not completely because of who we are at the core of our being.
I have to say that in my case I am very much the same person at least personality wise in some ways and I've changed a great deal in other ways. I know that my sense of humor hasn't changed a lot and I still do consider it my best weapon, but I've also noticed that my level for compassion and acceptance of others has risen a great deal. I'm sure a part of that is also due to my own journey that I am taking, but it is still a huge change over the way I used to be.
Ok, back on topic, Sure I wish my voice was more of a higher feminine pitch, but I also recognize that it is not going to happen a great deal, although I've been told by a few that have known me for awhile that they have noticed that it has changed some since I started my transition, but anyway I try to not worry about it too much. On mornings like this even that can fail me and I then feel miserable and somewhat at a lost. I do know that it will not deter me from following through with my transition because being a woman is a core part of who I am as a person.
So, anyway, I went into the clinic for my hormone shot and surprisingly I felt a lot better an hour later. Hmmm, I wonder if the levels were down a little?
Another strange thing was that I'd lost 4 pounds since last week, which is good but weird because after a month of being sick and not being able to eat because of two different dental procedures I hadn't lost an ounce of weight. Anyway, my mood soon lifted and I was a much happier girl. I also had my appointment with Carol and she is such a sweetheart. Not only did she make me feel better with her words of encouragement, but she even treated me to an eyelash tint and extensions. My eyes look so much better. I just love modern technology, she puts them on one at a time and they do look natural when she's done. It’s a bit pricey for the initial set but it's not too bad for the maintenance if you want to keep them on. To me it is well worth it, because I feel that my eyes are on of my better assets and I figure it's really no different than getting my nails done every couple weeks.
By the time I got to work I was feeling a 100 times better about myself and the world in general. It really felt really good when my BFF Carrie noticed my eyes right off and complimented me on getting them done. That felt really good; thanks (HUGS) and this whole thing got me to thinking.
Just about every girl that I've ever met has had the experience of growing up with that female companionship of best friends that shared in doing everyday things like hair, makeup, clothes, etc. You know, the advantage of sharing everything with each other as best girlfriends tend to do. I know for myself that it is one of the things that I had always envied about girls when I was growing up and even to this day I still feel like that I've have missed out on so much. Just about every Transgender that I've talked to about this has agreed with me, they too felt like they had missed out.
I know that I would have accepted my being Trans much earlier and more than likely would have begun my transition much earlier in life. Who knows how far along I'd be by now. It's very easy to look back and feel regret and get down on myself over it. As if we probably don't have enough regret over our lives already, this is just one more thing to add on to the pile and that makes it easy to get depressed and not take any action all. This is one area I refuse to wade around in for very long anymore and because I don't tend to show or hang around with regret for long I get accused of not caring as if they have something to do with each other anyway. To me they are very different critters, they just sometimes fool you into thinking that they are the same.
One of the things that I have found that helps is to continuingly seek out positive people and along with working to maintain my self esteem which is also critical to being accepted by others.
I believe that people see the positive in others and respond to it. This important because then you get to respond in kind to them. With that comes acceptance as you learn more about that person and from there friendships are built. Like those that I was talking about.
To find a friend in someone like that makes it possible for a girl to occasionally immerse themselves in frivolity and trivia and emerge not only looking and feeling a thousand times better, but with a renewed confidence and strength. I believe, as in my own case, that is why we value such friendships so highly. It's not just the acceptance factor but the inclusion to the world that we missed out on when we were at that age when things started changing (puberty) and only got to watch from the sidelines with so much envy.
So to my BFF's, I love ya bunches, because you help me everyday become way that I should have been born. And to those, both the men and women that I know at work and other places, that treat me with acceptance, respect and recognize me as a girl or as a woman, thank you, thank you, thank you, you can't imagine how much it means to me.
It means everything to be acknowledged as the person you are, as someone special, even if it just something as simple as saying hello Stephanie or Stevie.
And that acknowledgement is strength that allows me to be who I am even more.
(All Rights Reserved)
Monday, May 26, 2008
I guess an introduction is in order
My name is Stephanie and this is my little blog page. The goal and hope here is to share just some common sense stuff from a transgenders point of view and just going through out the daily routine. Hopefully past on a few tips that help get me through the day and so on. Let me start by sharing with you where I am at today.
It is important to remember that people change just as life does and I guess you can say I am making a really big change. But this change has shown me a whole new path in life that I wasn't expecting, sure I knew things would be different but I never thought that it would be like this and I love it.
So I am enjoying a journey very few dare take, the freedom it is showing me is a wonderful new experience of discovery..Just as an example, I got carded one night and refused service because they thought I was trying to use some poor guys' id. By not getting bent out of shape over it and using some humor it turned out to be not only ok, but it was pretty funny too.
Another incident was just before I came out at work, I was leaving the men's room when this guy was going in and he stopped at the door, looked at me and then looked at the sign and then back at me with this really confused look on his face. I figured that was when it was time to come out. I guess in that incident literally.
I was reading a journal posting from a couple years ago just after I'd started my transition and just said to myself "I can't believe how much my life has changed for the better since then." I am now living full time as a woman. I know that my transition has hurt and confused some of those close to me and that they are having their issues with it, but even then they're being as supportive as can be expected and for that I am very grateful.
What is really surprising and really cool part is that I have had almost no backlash from my transition from society in general. I just live my life as any woman would and go about my daily life as normally as possible. I think that people see this and realize that we really aren't all that different than they are, so it somehow becomes "ok" or "so what" in their mind. I occasionally see the little smirk or chuckle on someone's face, but I don't let it bother me to much because I know what I am doing is outside of what most people understand and it is unique.
This is important to recognize, because it allows me to be myself just as we all should be able to be ourselves. But this is also an empowerment and it is what allows me to just go about my daily routines and business without freaking out about not passing or blending in, even though I have been told by many that at first they thought I was a natal woman but then realized that I wasn't and by then it didn't matter to them.
I've legally changed my name and I'm getting all of my other stuff changed over to reflect these changes of the woman that I am today.
My work place has also been just fantastic and very supportive about my transition. The company has a very strong diversity policy and with my "coming out" I'm being told that I will be included in many of the future diversity planning areas which I am very excited about being a part of.
Outside of work I've gotten very involved in the Trans community as being a fairly outspoken supporter for transgender rights and inclusion, but I'm not really a radical type of person and my more low keyed approach has seemed to open more doors on the subject when it comes to dealing with different organzations and poeple. This approach has even won an appeal over my medical benefits in which my provider has now covered some of my treatment and the company is now in the process of revisiting its medical coverage's for changing its medical benefits for us worker bee's to include transition coverage. The union that I belong to is on my target list over their inclusion policy and is one of my near future goals to work on. I am in the process of writing and almost done with a workshop program for helping organizations develop "workplace transition and inclusion" policies based on common sense and local and state laws.
There's a transgender conference called the Northwest Transgender Conference (see the listedlink) in the planning stages for my area of the country. I am trying to be as involved in that as possible given my work schedule and hopefully I will be invited to present my workshop there. Some of my co-workers have said that they would be very interested in reading more about this topic, so I am considering either a seperate blog page or just posting some of that related material here. So one of my goals on doing this blog is for it to be a source for people to learn more about Transgender issues instead of just seeing what little positive stuff that they do see in the media.
The reactions of my co-workers was what totally surprised me. Some of these folks I have known for over 10 years, to some it was a surprise, but to others it wasn't and almost all have been totally supportive and happy for me.
The really cool part about this is that I never realized just how many friends that I did have that really cared about me. All have said that with my coming out they have seen a much happier and complete person and that is so true because I am not leading a double life any more.
There are those that aren't as supportive or ok with this and they have their reasons. Whether they be family or otherwise, they're entitled to their opinions just like we all are.
I very often comment that Transgender issues are very much like politics and religion, everyone has an opinion about it and they are entitled to it. Just as I am entitled to mine.
The main difference is that this literally affects my life and I need to fix it. I know that I'm not saying anything new here because thousands of others have experienced the same emotions that I am, but, it sure feels good and even though it is a lot later in my life than I would like, it's still the greatest thing I've ever done.
So please feel free to leave a note with your thoughts, experiences or questions. I will answer questions either publicly here or if you'd rather have a answer privately please include an e-mail address and I will send the answer to you.
Who knows you just might wind up being a great topic in an article or presentation.
(All Rights Reserved)
It is important to remember that people change just as life does and I guess you can say I am making a really big change. But this change has shown me a whole new path in life that I wasn't expecting, sure I knew things would be different but I never thought that it would be like this and I love it.
So I am enjoying a journey very few dare take, the freedom it is showing me is a wonderful new experience of discovery..Just as an example, I got carded one night and refused service because they thought I was trying to use some poor guys' id. By not getting bent out of shape over it and using some humor it turned out to be not only ok, but it was pretty funny too.
Another incident was just before I came out at work, I was leaving the men's room when this guy was going in and he stopped at the door, looked at me and then looked at the sign and then back at me with this really confused look on his face. I figured that was when it was time to come out. I guess in that incident literally.
I was reading a journal posting from a couple years ago just after I'd started my transition and just said to myself "I can't believe how much my life has changed for the better since then." I am now living full time as a woman. I know that my transition has hurt and confused some of those close to me and that they are having their issues with it, but even then they're being as supportive as can be expected and for that I am very grateful.
What is really surprising and really cool part is that I have had almost no backlash from my transition from society in general. I just live my life as any woman would and go about my daily life as normally as possible. I think that people see this and realize that we really aren't all that different than they are, so it somehow becomes "ok" or "so what" in their mind. I occasionally see the little smirk or chuckle on someone's face, but I don't let it bother me to much because I know what I am doing is outside of what most people understand and it is unique.
This is important to recognize, because it allows me to be myself just as we all should be able to be ourselves. But this is also an empowerment and it is what allows me to just go about my daily routines and business without freaking out about not passing or blending in, even though I have been told by many that at first they thought I was a natal woman but then realized that I wasn't and by then it didn't matter to them.
I've legally changed my name and I'm getting all of my other stuff changed over to reflect these changes of the woman that I am today.
My work place has also been just fantastic and very supportive about my transition. The company has a very strong diversity policy and with my "coming out" I'm being told that I will be included in many of the future diversity planning areas which I am very excited about being a part of.
Outside of work I've gotten very involved in the Trans community as being a fairly outspoken supporter for transgender rights and inclusion, but I'm not really a radical type of person and my more low keyed approach has seemed to open more doors on the subject when it comes to dealing with different organzations and poeple. This approach has even won an appeal over my medical benefits in which my provider has now covered some of my treatment and the company is now in the process of revisiting its medical coverage's for changing its medical benefits for us worker bee's to include transition coverage. The union that I belong to is on my target list over their inclusion policy and is one of my near future goals to work on. I am in the process of writing and almost done with a workshop program for helping organizations develop "workplace transition and inclusion" policies based on common sense and local and state laws.
There's a transgender conference called the Northwest Transgender Conference (see the listedlink) in the planning stages for my area of the country. I am trying to be as involved in that as possible given my work schedule and hopefully I will be invited to present my workshop there. Some of my co-workers have said that they would be very interested in reading more about this topic, so I am considering either a seperate blog page or just posting some of that related material here. So one of my goals on doing this blog is for it to be a source for people to learn more about Transgender issues instead of just seeing what little positive stuff that they do see in the media.
The reactions of my co-workers was what totally surprised me. Some of these folks I have known for over 10 years, to some it was a surprise, but to others it wasn't and almost all have been totally supportive and happy for me.
The really cool part about this is that I never realized just how many friends that I did have that really cared about me. All have said that with my coming out they have seen a much happier and complete person and that is so true because I am not leading a double life any more.
There are those that aren't as supportive or ok with this and they have their reasons. Whether they be family or otherwise, they're entitled to their opinions just like we all are.
I very often comment that Transgender issues are very much like politics and religion, everyone has an opinion about it and they are entitled to it. Just as I am entitled to mine.
The main difference is that this literally affects my life and I need to fix it. I know that I'm not saying anything new here because thousands of others have experienced the same emotions that I am, but, it sure feels good and even though it is a lot later in my life than I would like, it's still the greatest thing I've ever done.
So please feel free to leave a note with your thoughts, experiences or questions. I will answer questions either publicly here or if you'd rather have a answer privately please include an e-mail address and I will send the answer to you.
Who knows you just might wind up being a great topic in an article or presentation.
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