Sounds like a pretty simple question, but once you start going deeper you begin to get a picture of a very much larger issue that we must deal with in our lives than just the fact that we are either male or female. I was reading a letter written by a transgendered woman posted on the internet one day and as usual it made me think about my own experiences so far. I gathered some of her comments to share because they are so very true for so many who are transgendered or are in transition.
She wrote, "Yes, at times I have overwhelming thoughts that this place that I am at may not be the safest place. My thoughts also turn to the fact that I am not done traveling and seeing the world. There was a time in my life when I would at the drop of a hat catch the next plane flying. I have had some pretty cool adventures. Sometimes the thought of that really scares me now. Where in this world are people like us safe? Is there any place more inherently dangerous? What about hanging out at motorcycle events with a bunch of 1%'ers? Can be safe can be dangerous. There are place even there in Tacoma or Seattle that make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. Sometimes we stress and worry over a lot of things that turn out to be nothing."
I too have faced many of those very same fears as much as I try to live my everyday life as normally as possible. I too find myself at odds over many of the same issues that she points out. It is her last sentence that has the greatest impact, but what if that nothing turns out to be someone who doesn't like us just because we are different. A couple things come to mind, like the California incident of the 15 year old boy shooting his 14 year old classmate in school because he was different, I'm sure that he didn't think anything like that was going to happen to him at school that day. Or the Matthew Sheppard incident in Colorado a few years ago that sparked a massive out pouring from people.
Of course our society has changed in both positive and negative ways. Even as we go about our daily lives regardless of gender, race or anything else we need to be more aware of what goes on around us.
The problem being for a transgendered person is that what most people take for granted, we usually have to use additional care in that we don't end up in a situation that can end badly and that in itself is taxing and unfair. For example, I loved riding motorcycles, for me it was what I considered a form of brain therapy. I was a part of clubs and going on trips with them regularly for years, but one of my true passions was to just climb on the bike and go on a road trip alone. Now, even though I don't have a bike right now it just wouldn't be the same because of not only my own fears for my safety, especially riding alone, but even stopping off at some little out of the way café or tourist spot while taking a car trip or a day drive can possibly lead to problems that one wouldn't ever consider or expect to have happen.
Simple everyday things like going out for a meal and yes even shopping can be a challenge in double thinking of where to go that will allow one to just relax and be themselves and to enjoy the moment. What very often winds up happening is that a transgendered person finds themselves going to a limited number of places that they know will accept them for the person that they are.
This is very often the case in the early stages of transition, but that circle expands with time, but the basic concern rarely goes completely away.
Fortunately, it's not all bad because sometimes just being different can lead to encounters that turn out to be really great experiences, it just depends on the folks that you do meet and how you approach the situation. Sure a part of that is also how accepting they are.
The point is, it is one thing to have concerns over race, ethnicity and gender, but even though as a person you are a part of those. it's not fair to have to worry about what may happen just because you are different. Mind you I have been very fortunate so far and not had any such incidents, but the concerns and considerations are still there just he same.
Many businesses are becoming more accepting, but it is only on the surface for some and that is primarily because they just want your money, but to the credit of the ones that have a strong social sense of fairness and a very good understanding of business are recognizing that there is a very strong market to be tapped into and they are reaping huge rewards by accepting the entire LGBT community into their businesses.
When it comes to traveling, especially across borders or even to other states can be tasking enough as a non-transgendered person. Add in being transgendered and then it becomes even a bigger issue because of the legalities that can be involved ,various laws, if any from locale to locale in the protections for Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender (LGBT) people. Identification is usually being the biggest issue along with safety. If a person is presenting as one gender, but their identification still shows as them as the opposite gender there can be problems depending on the locale, the laws, level of acceptance and understanding with the individuals involved. Again this seems to be more so the case in the early stages of transition, it is not only confusing for others, but frustrating and also very threatening because of the fear that it generates within the transitioning person.
Just dealing with non-acceptance issues that are usually based in misunderstanding and lack of knowing what a transgendered person really is and how to treat them as a person, or even outright discrimination can be so draining and in itself can take the enjoyment out any activity if not downright deadly, just look online and see how many news reports from around the world that come up on violence against transgenders so there is a long ways to go on this issue.
Fortunately just recently (Feb 2008) the International Assoication of Chiefs of Police (IACP) issued their updated Model Policy on Hate Crime, which now includes gender identity. The Model Policy helps police identify, investigate and respond to hate crimes – including those based on sexual orientation and gender identity. The IACP also issued a “Concepts and Issues Paper” on hate crimes. The Issues Paper contains background material and useful tools like crime scene procedures, appropriate response activities and prevention strategies that should really benefit our community. The Paper also contains a list of resource organizations that police can turn to for more information. This new policy and related Issues Paper are available not only to the 20,000+ members of the IACP, but to non-profit organizations for use in trainings on hate crimes issues.
So there is even progress on this front in our society, but as a transgender this is valuable information to have because in case of need, you can, if able relay this to an officer who may be struggling with how to treat you as a person.
Another one of her comments was, "My search for medical care would never lead me to Idaho. I do not believe that there is anything there in that state for me."
Why would she make such a comment given the fact that we live in a land of freedom and choice? That we can supposedly live wherever we choose. I think that it is probably based on an idea or maybe in the knowledge from experience that Idaho laws are not very clear on how to treat someone who is a transgender, couple that with the conservative nature of the state, she probably wouldn't feel safe there.
As a transgendered person I too would find myself not wanting to live in an environment that I would consider unfriendly towards me. Even medical treatment itself can be an exercise of frustration normally and given an emergency it can be downright deadly if the attitudes are those based in fears or a lack of understanding or if there is a lack in legal protections.
There are other issues besides the social aspects of life. We as human beings spend the largest majority of our lives in the work place. And this is the one area that has the 2nd largest impact on us, the first being our families.
In an article written by Keith Ecker entitled, "Out in the Office", it speaks about Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) workplace issues that employers grapple with. My focus here though is more about the transgendered part of the issue since I happen to be dealing with the work place issues as a transgender, even though my journey to this point took me through the path of being "gay".
One of the very first comments he made in the article is "Straight employees have a much easier, clearer path than gay employees.” and unfortunately in my own experiences though out my working life I've found it to be very true. I found that my past accomplishments seemed to dim in employers eyes after coming out as being gay and that is if I wasn't actually threatened or harassed in some way.
Very often transgendered people will "come out" at work or to friends as being gay or lesbian because it is as close as they can come to being their true selves before their transition and to still find an acceptance of sorts within society and the workplace. As in my case, being in denial that I was in fact a male to female transgender and yet having such strong attractions to men. Even though I knew at times that I felt like I was in the wrong body, I could only come out as being gay so I could at least hopefully have relationship with someone that I was attracted to and try to have a normal relationship with that person in which society would "somewhat" accept, along with being "somewhat" accepted at work "sometimes". Confusing isn't it? Try living with it going on in your head 24/7.
This causes a whole new set of unique problems not only for the transgendered person but for others too. It is very much living a double life not only to yourself, but with everyone that you deal with on a daily basis whether it is family, someone that you are in a relationship with and even your co-workers and up until the time that I "came out" to my employer about my transition I was very much living that double life. Outside of the work place I was able to be myself as a woman and even though there were limitations, at least I could be my true self most or at least some of the time. But, as soon as I got to work, I had to become just that "gay guy" and even then there were times that I wasn't taken as seriously as I had been in the past before "coming out" as being gay. Then there were the funny looks, lack of acceptance and hurtful comments that really don't change anything other than make me feel like I was less of a person. I'm sure many minorities and women can identify with what I'm saying here, because as a society we've all seen and heard of this before.
Of course the question begs being asked. Why haven't we learned yet? What is so wrong with people just being able to be themselves? Which really surprises me, because I have just been myself as much as possible and still many of my co-workers were surprised by the fact that I am transgendered?
But, then again, I'm not really that surprised, past history is a good teacher if you pay attention.
I still have to wonder why someone who would talk and joke or work with me before now almost avoids me unless they have to work or interact with me. It does challenge ones sense of acceptance and unfortunately it also causes you to distrust and lose some respect for that person that you had for them in the past. I think it is a part of my personality that can often look past that type of reaction or behavior and in a sense forgive, but not forget. This allows me to continue to interact with someone like that and not feel threatened by them. I've also found that after a short period of "adjustment" on their part that they come to realize that I'm not the threat that they had perceived and things kind of return to normal as before. But the damage has been done and you don't tend to forget the hurt or pain and the trust will never be quite the same.
I think the biggest lesson that I have learned to date is that if you are honest and be yourself, there is no reason to feel like you are out of line. If you don't carry that with you, you don't see it in other people. (All Rights Reserved)
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